You ever wonder what would happen if the Department of Education had to compete in the free market? Yeah, it’d be toast before lunch. No bailouts, no excuses, just a long-overdue tombstone that reads: “Here lies a bloated bureaucracy that did nothing but burn your money and babysit mediocrity.”
But because this mess is taxpayer-funded, it’s still limping along, hemorrhaging billions while test scores plummet and administrators polish their nameplates.
Billions Spent, Nothing to Show
The Department of Education was created in 1979 — right around the time disco mercifully died. Unfortunately, only one of those two stayed dead.
Fast forward to 2023: the Department’s budget was a whopping $79.6 billion — and that’s not even counting the $120 billion they tossed on top in pandemic relief. That’s nearly $200 billion in a couple years. For that kind of cash, you’d expect students to be splitting atoms or at least knowing how to spell “government.”
But no — math and reading scores are in free fall, American students are getting curb-stomped in international rankings, and colleges are forced to teach freshmen how to read at a 9th-grade level. We’re not investing in education — we’re investing in excuses.
Imagine If This Was a Business
Picture this: Ford spends $200 billion and then sells fewer cars with worse safety records and no innovation. Shareholders would riot. The CEO would be kicked out so fast they’d leave skid marks.
Now look at the Department of Education: same level of failure, but instead of firings, we get raises and more budget requests. Why? Because they don’t answer to you. They answer to no one. There’s no competition, no consequences, and no customer service hotline. Just taxpayer dollars flowing like a busted fire hydrant.
The Nation’s Report Card: F
In 2022, the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) showed that math and reading scores for 9-year-olds hit their lowest point in decades. Not just bad — historic failure.
U.S. students ranked 28th out of 37 countries in math. Japan’s at the top. We’re chilling with the bottom third, clutching our participation trophies and blaming “equity gaps.”
And the kicker? From 2018 to 2022, our average math score dropped 13 points. That’s not a dip — that’s a nosedive with no parachute.
But don’t worry, the Department of Education is on it. They’re forming a task force. Translation: they’re going to schedule a lot of Zoom calls, spend $50 million on “equity consultants,” and absolutely nothing will change.
Bureaucracy: The Real Curriculum
Let’s talk about where your money really goes. Hint: it’s not teachers, students, or even books.
A massive chunk of the Department’s budget disappears into a labyrinth of administrative costs. Money filters through federal programs, state agencies, and school districts, shrinking like a bar of soap at every stop — until what’s left for actual classrooms is about enough to buy a handful of glue sticks and a couple packs of dry-erase markers.
Meanwhile, your local superintendent just got a new leather chair and a raise for… well, existing.
No Incentive, No Progress
In business, if your product sucks, you fix it. Or you die. Simple.
But in government? If your product sucks, you blame society, lobby for more money, and slap a rainbow sticker on the failure so nobody questions it.
Remember Blockbuster? They had the money, the brand, and the reach. But they didn’t adapt. Netflix ate their lunch, dinner, and midnight snack. Now Blockbuster’s a meme — and the Department of Education is headed down the same path if we let it.
Only difference? Netflix didn’t use your money.
What Needs to Happen?
Trump’s move to abolish the Department of Education isn’t radical — it’s common sense. If it were a company, it’d be delisted by now. We don’t need more bureaucracy. We need bold, state-led reforms that put parents and students first — not union bosses and overpaid administrators.
So what should we do?
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Decentralize it: Let states handle education. California wants drag queen story hour and pronoun worksheets? Fine. Florida wants phonics and discipline? Also fine. Let the states compete.
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School choice: Give parents the ability to walk away from failure. That’s how the free market fixes things — it lets bad products die.
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Outcome-based funding: No more blank checks. If your district can’t improve test scores, you don’t get a raise — you get a restructure.
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Cut the fat: Fire the bureaucrats pushing paper and give that money to teachers who actually move the needle.
Final Thoughts
The Department of Education isn’t just failing — it’s making failure look like a strategy.
We’ve built a system that protects mediocrity, punishes excellence, and gaslights the public into thinking more money is the answer. It’s not. The answer is accountability, competition, and local control.
If this agency were a business, it’d have been gone yesterday. But because it’s a government program, it lingers — burning cash, lowering standards, and calling itself “progress.”
It’s time we call it what it is: a sinking ship that never should’ve set sail.
And if that makes me “anti-education,” then fine. I’ll wear it like a badge — right next to my “I prefer competent adults teaching kids” sticker.
WE’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS! PLEASE COMMENT BELOW.
JIMMY
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Everything the Federal Government gets itself involved in goes down the toilet. Every government agency created after 1960 needs to be shuttered permanently.