Meta Flushes Tampons From Men’s Rooms!

In the grand tradition of Silicon Valley’s relentless march toward lunacy, Meta has decided to rein it in, ditching tampons in men’s restrooms and pulling the “string” on their woke extravaganza. That’s right, folks, Mark Zuckerberg has come to the shocking realization that when you pander too far left, you end up alienating most of planet Earth. Tampon Tim—aka Minnesota’s woke wonder, Governor Tim Walz—is probably beside himself, mourning the loss of his bathroom accessories in solidarity with Meta’s disillusioned employees.

Zuckerberg’s Woke Detox: Tampons, DEI, and Fact-Checkers Out

Let’s start with the headline-grabber: tampons in the men’s room. Apparently, Zuckerberg thought it was time to flush that one—literally. Reports confirm that facilities managers were tasked with yanking tampons and pads from men’s restrooms in Meta offices nationwide. Why were they there to begin with? To cater to nonbinary and transgender employees, of course. Now, I’m all for workplace inclusivity, but this was a bridge too far even for Zuck’s empire.

But wait, there’s more! Meta also axed its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs, signaling a corporate pivot back toward merit-based hiring. Shocking, I know. Who could’ve guessed that hiring the best candidate might actually work better than using a checklist of identity politics?

And then there’s the cherry on top: Zuckerberg ditched Meta’s controversial fact-checking program. After years of throttling free speech under the guise of fighting misinformation, Meta is introducing a “community notes” system. Translation: they’re ripping off Elon Musk’s Twitter (or X, or whatever he’s calling it this week). Finally, some originality, Zuck.

The Fallout: Tears, Resignations, and Righteous Rage

Naturally, these changes have triggered a full-blown meltdown among Meta’s remaining woke warriors. LGBTQ employees are reportedly venting their frustrations on internal platforms, with some even quitting in protest. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, folks. Meanwhile, advocacy groups are clutching their pearls, accusing Meta of abandoning its “commitment to inclusivity.”

And who could forget Tampon Tim? The man who loves to cosplay as the champion of all things progressive must be drowning in sorrow. After all, what’s a self-proclaimed savior of the woke agenda to do when even Zuckerberg starts calling it quits?

Zuckerberg’s Realignment: Trump Era in Silicon Valley?

Let’s not ignore the political elephant in the room. These policy shifts didn’t happen in a vacuum. With Donald Trump returning to power, it seems Meta is realigning itself with the new administration’s priorities. Free speech is back on the menu, folks, and it’s sending the far-left into conniptions.

Meta’s Chief Global Affairs Officer, Joel Kaplan, didn’t mince words, stating the company is “building teams with the most talented people” and focusing on individual qualifications rather than race or gender. Imagine that—hiring based on ability instead of identity. Next thing you know, we’ll have common sense making a comeback.

The Bigger Picture: A Wake-Up Call for Woke Corporations

Meta isn’t the only tech giant rethinking its priorities. As the cultural pendulum swings back toward sanity, corporations across the board are quietly stepping away from the progressive cliff. The days of virtue signaling through overpriced DEI consultants and bathroom supplies seem numbered.

Still, let’s not give Zuckerberg too much credit. This is the same guy who poured millions into leftist causes while silencing dissent on his platforms. His about-face might be more about survival than principle. After all, when the political winds shift, the smart ones batten down the hatches.

Final Thoughts

So here we are, watching Meta try to undo years of self-inflicted damage. Tampons are out, fact-checkers are gone, and DEI programs are in the dumpster. While the woke crowd mourns, the rest of us can sit back and enjoy the show.

As for Tampon Tim? Maybe he can send a care package to Meta’s disgruntled employees—you know, as a token of solidarity. After all, someone’s got to keep the dream alive.

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JIMMY

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